Zaiah just turned five. And my parents took everyone out to dinner at Texas Roadhouse.
Zaiah ordered his own food. And reminded every waiter that passed our table that he needed his Mac ‘n Cheese and applesauce. And as the birthday boy, he got to ride the saddle and ye-haw. All while throwing his napkin through air in true cowboy style.
When we go out as a family, I am always reminded of the stark difference between his personality and the rest of our children. Abby is painfully quiet, Eli is reserved, and Leesy is very adaptable – but she won’t speak until you earn her trust. And they all get that quiet spirit very honestly from their Mama.
But not Zaiah.
No, he is his own little man. I never know what he will announce to the grocery clerk. Or say as we walk into a friend’s house.
I don’t worry about the others talking too much or trusting the wrong people. In fact, Abby got terribly embarrassed at the restaurant because she voluntarily spoke to the waiter. Then, she buried her face and burst into tears.
Too much attention in a loud, crowded restaurant.
But in those moments, I feel her pain. She deals with it as a child. But I deal with it as an adult.
We recently visited a small group at church. Even though they were at the end of a study, I downloaded the book onto my phone. It was definitely a God thing. This book, Telling Yourself the Truth, spoke straight to my heart. The whole book attacks common lies that we tell ourselves. We then believe, feel, and act as if those lies are true.
Here are some of those lies that were deeply convicting:
I am a failure. I am a rejected castaway, useless, unlovable,ugly, and hopeless. My best isn’t good enough for anyone. I am worthless and inadequate. I will never be anything. I am uninteresting. People don’t like me. I’m always nervous.
And as I thought about it, this isn’t the first time that I have been caught off guard and convicted by these very lies. It’s crazy how Satan can slowly sink his lies back into my heart as I let down my guard. It’s so easy to fall back into familiarity.
Just this evening, Mike was leading our family devotion. He was telling each of our kids how special and loved they are simply because God made them. And then, he went on to tell me the same thing. My first impulse was to argue with him.
And that hurts my heart. I want God’s love, His truth, His grace – to wrap around me and around the hearts of my children. And I think it has to start with me. And so, I have rewritten those lies:
Sometimes, I fail. But I am an overcomer. Not because of what I have done, but because of what He has done.
I feel like a rejected castaway, useless, unlovable,ugly, and hopeless. But I am not. God loves and treasures me. I am His.
My best may not be good enough for others. But my confidence rests in God. Not in the approval of others.
I am not worthless and inadequate. God created me for His special purpose.
I do not need to amount to anything in the eyes of the world. My worth is in God. Not what I can do or be.
I am not uninteresting. God has a unique plan for my life.
It feels like people don’t like me. But my worth depends on God – not on anyone else.
I am not ALWAYS nervous. God has released me from so much anxiety. But when I feel those nerves resurface, I will remember to depend on Him for deliverance.
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 36:3 NIV