The Unraveled Mom

Hi everyone! My name is Tiffany and I blog over at The Dwelling Tree. I am thankful to Susan for allowing me to guest blog for her.

I have a ten month old daughter. She loves Cheerios, Sesame Street, and peek-a-boo. She giggles wildly at dogs playing catch, and smiles as if her jaw was unhinged.

She is full of joy.

My daughter is a bright light in a dark world. When I gaze upon her face, I see the unfiltered excitement of touching grass for the first time.

Recently, I was having a tough night and hurt my hand trying to scrub dishes. I cried out in pain, and my sweet daughter started crying, too.

My baby empathized for me. I hurt, so she hurt. I don’t think she could rationally understand what happened, but I saw it.

Matthew 18:4 says: “Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

I know my daughter is a sinner and needs Jesus, but I love seeing her pure joy and empathy at such a young age- untouched yet by the heaviness of the world we live in.

I am reminded by Matthew 18:4 to be humble. I should never be embarrassed to delight in the world, have overwhelming compassion for a friend in pain, or laugh wildly at funny things.

Humility is a beautiful thing. It allows us to be as we were created- in our most lovely form.

I am thankful for what my daughter teaches me daily about our Creator and his love for us, and the simple blessings we experience through our children. 

Thank you to The Unraveled Mom for letting me share this tidbit with you this morning. I do hope you will keep on reading her journey, and feel free to stop by The Dwelling Tree if you have a moment, too! 

Harmony (the Pug)

Our faithful dog, Harmony. has vacated her role as the protector.  She is deaf.   Her howling, despite her best efforts, is totally removed from sincere threat.

We, therefore, secured her a side kick – Nessa.

Nessa (the Catahoula)

Abby says that she is our guard dog.

And Zaiah has THE plan.

If a bad guy comes to the door, he will move Harmony to safety and Nessa will knock the bad guy over.   Zaiah will then use his Styrofoam sword and plastic cooking knife to cut up the bad guys shorts.

According to Zaiah, a depanted bad guy will definitely run away.

While it’s quite entertaining to have a protection bargade of a Catahoula, Pug, and a four year old with plastic and Styrofoam, it’s certainly not a reliant form of security.

But God never fails me.

He is my Guard.

My Shield.

But I doubt.  A lot.

And I have a choice.

The first choice – my temptation – is to feed my doubt.  I may ask God to guard my heart.  But I immediately try to secure my own ability to hold steady.  I am simply inadequate.  And ultimately, I end up drowning in my minds endless presumptions, doubts, fears, and isolation.

My second choice is to choose God’s security.  I ask Him to guard my heart.  But instead of wallowing in the doubts of my own ability to stay firm, I flood my heart with his promises.

His word protects me.

It is a shield around me.

But you, Lord, are a shield around me,
    my glory, the One who lifts my head high.

                                   Psalm 3:3 NIV

Zaiah conquers his puzzles with vibrancy and optimism – never doubting his ability to overpower any minute setbacks in his ultimate victory.

And He gladly aids his older siblings in a triumphant success.  In fact, they recruit his avid puzzle skills.

His puzzling is SERIOUS business.

His mind can conceive the ultimate end.  He can see how it all fits together.

And with every puzzle, Zaiah paints me a fresh and comforting picture of the sovereignty of God…. how beautifully  God orchestrates the humbling details of my life to precisely fit together and creates a perfect reflection of His unconditional, astonishing LOVE in my life.

In retrospect, I can marvel at God’s work.

From my lowest point of  self absorbed, crippling anxiety, He restored me beyond my expectations.

The struggle against Satan’s attempts to posses my mind pales in comparison to God’s ultimate FREEDOM and hope.

Because I desperately needed His deliverance, I behold His precious grace with a renewed sense of wonder and excitement.

His love conquers all.

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:

 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8: 31-39 NIV

Leesy squealed in delight.

“Me!”  she said.

She saw an  beautiful picture of herself hanging on the wall.

I am rather offended at the implication that I am a self centered, selfish, and ME centered person.  I never considered it an option in the large array of possible problems surrounding my struggles with anxiety, and for awhile, depression.  I hate attention on myself, I am inadequate, and I don’t want anyone to exalt ME in any way.  My conclusion, therefore, was that I am absolutely not self centered, selfish, or absorbed in ME.

Wrong.

I had the horrible privilege of receiving the observation that I am self centered.

I was offended.

But God wasn’t done with me.  Those words followed me in my sleep, in my thoughts, and in my heart.  Until I finally I let the Holy Spirit’s conviction tear down the barriers of my heart.

I AM too busy thinking about ME.  I don’t love, serve, and bless others because I am too concerned with my own inadequacy and failures to see past myself and into the deeper, and more satisfying, desires of God.

I couldn’t see His purpose.

But armed with conviction, my heart openly welcomes God’s whispers and charges for action.  I struggle to discern His voice.  But the closer my heart draws to Him, the more pronounced His voice becomes.  I thirst for each new direction.

And it is exciting to live within the glory of God.

And not within ME.

He must increase, but I must decrease.        John 3:30 ESV

Smiles

Our playset was blocking my full view.  All I could see was the tops of their heads.   I saw big smiles…..bopping up and down.  And lots of giggles.

I felt proud that my children could play so well – without bickering.  It was a victorious moment.

But when I heard Zaiah squealing about the mud, my suspicions of foul play quickly arose.  And I went to investigate.

I found four clean heads.  But their bodies, especially little Leesy’s, were covered in mud.  They had found a deep puddle.

             There is nothing like believing you are in victory only to look down                and realize you are covered in mud.

Free

Last year, I had my most severe episode of postpartum depression.  While I have never been an overzealous or joy-infested person, I never struggled with that specific emotional issue outside of the baby blues.

And after a year and some major spiritual revelations, I consider myself victorious – free of this isolated postpartum event.

I have been living in victory, but as I focus on the sudden vulnerability of my God-given reinforcements, I see mud.

And I am tempted.  Tempted to focus on my own weariness, inadequacy, and fears.

But that isn’t going to happen.  Because Christ has given me victory.  Not by my own merit - but in Him, I am not confined to my own emotional limitations.

In Him, I am free.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Galatians 5:1 NIV

See the video: Puddle