An Overcomer

Anyone who has spent any time in my house knows that I am saturated in christian music.  I always have the radio on.  Always.

My need arose from the first time I had ever experienced the awful combination of depression and anxiety.   With my radio on, I could constantly hear God’s truth.   And even though I have currently exited the darkness of depression and anxiety, my radio stays on.  I need that constant reminder.  A reminder that God loves me.  That He wants good for me.  That He gives me purpose.  And that He is absolutely amazing.

But recently, one song has caught my attention.

Overcomer (by Mandisa)

You’re an overcomer
Stay in the fight ‘til the final round
You’re not going under
‘Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it’s hopeless
That’s when He reminds You
That you’re an overcomer
You’re an overcomer

 As I struggle through periods of anxiety, I really only considered myself an overcomer when the anxiety was conquered.  Right now, I feel great.  I have energy. And joy is bubbling in my heart.

And it is easy to see that God has delivered me.  That He has overcome.

But in a K-Love interview with Mandisa, she was talking about being an overcomer.  We aren’t an overcomer beacuse of conquering an objective.  But instead, we are an overcomer because of what Christ did on the cross.

And that really made me think.  I get frustrated when anxiety starts to take root in my life.  In those moments, I do not feel like an overcomer.  But the beauty, grace, and love of God is more than my failures.  He overcomes even when I am at my worst.  Because victory is never in my actions.

But in His.

And so, when I do fall, my heart can take great hope in His deliverance.

His love conquers ALL.




God’s Gift is Now

The best tasting kid in our house is definitely Leesy.  Our dog slobbers her with kisses.  And I am sure that Leesy is a delectable treat laced in sugar, grease, and unidentifiable concoctions.

But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

want to enjoy my kids despite their stickiness, messes, and chaos.

want them to be creative.  I want to hear squeals of delight and giggles and tickles.  I want them to splash in the pool and build castles in the sandbox.  I want the girls to paint nails.  And the boys to build a house wide train track.

But sometimes, it’s easy to forget that good stuff.  To get bogged down.

When I first became a mother, it was so easy to see God in motherhood.  Seeing a little part of myself in that little infant is the most amazing, exhilarating process I have ever experienced.  It’s amazing to see God’s little creation learn and grow.

But sooner or later, the newness wears off.  It doesn’t seem quite so new or exciting.  Changing a diaper is no longer a privilege but a stinky mess.

I am not claiming that motherhood should be a rosy, perfect experience that never ends in frustration.  But I am confessing that I lost, at one point, the wonder.  The amazement.

For awhile, my life was one unending chore.  My goal was naptime.  My next goal was bedtime.  Sleep.DSCN8426

I enjoyed very little.

But it’s different now.  God has changed my heart.  Made me new. I have a new love for my Savior.  And a new love for all the precious gifts that He has put into my life.

I can enjoy swimming with my family.  A walk to the park.  Playing Trouble with a 1 year old who loves to pop the bubble.  Spending time with friends.

I can be content in the moment instead of always looking ahead to a coveted happiness.  God’s gift is NOW.  Not when the kids get bigger.  Not when they go down for naps.  And not on the days when the house is clean.

But NOW is God’s gift.  His good and perfect gift.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.  James 1:17  ESV


Time to Let Go

letting go2

An unforeseen blessing of blogging was the exposure to a variety of people with their own call bring glory to God.  One of those such bloggers writes from Inking the Heart:

Sometimes there are seasons of letting go and sometimes we have to let go of seasons. I think I just survived both.  I said goodbye to my 30’s on August 20.  That was a decade that began with the birth of my daughter and ended with growth and a newness in Christ, and the fullness of family and friends and the counting of 3000 plus blessings of thanksgiving.  It was easy to say goodbye to a number with the remembrance of all that Christ has done and the hope of all that He will do in my 40’s.  Summer, too, has come to an end.  And in that summer there was a lot of letting go.

There was a letting go of what I thought was the ideal career path.  In crept disappointment, feelings of not being good enough, doubts, and insecurity.  I could let go of the job, but it was hard work letting go of the feelings that followed.

There was a letting go of wages lost because I chose to spend a few days with my daughter.  Little did I know that in taking 3 days off instead of 2 my pay would be docked for the remainder of the school year.  And the anger set in…

but so did that still small voice….and He said, Let it go.”

It was a warning to not be consumed with my own feelings, but it was also prophetic because within an hour I had to let go of something else.

The gift my husband gave me on our anniversary was stolen.  I had no choice; I had to LET IT GO.

According to Dr. John Townsend in his book Loving People: How to Love & Be Loved, “Letting go is the ability to surrender and to allow what is real to exist.”  Letting go is accepting reality.

The reality that we can’t control people’s decisions.

The reality that life is not fair and we don’t always reap what we sow.

The reality that broken people do broken things and we will get hurt.

When you don’t face the truth of reality you are holding on to fear and control.  But fear and control really have a hold on you.  You are the prisoner and there is an enemy that wants to hold you captive by fear so that you can be controlled by it. And it is time to LET IT GO.

Let go of the fear that if you let go of someone or something, he or it will never change.

Let go of the control to live a life demanding perfect fairness.  If you don’t, instead, you will live a life controlled by dissatisfaction.

God is in the business of letting go and it would benefit us to follow in His footsteps.  He lets go by giving us free will.  Maybe we need to do the same for our spouse or an adult child or maybe even loosen the reign on your adolescent.

God lets go of His right to punish us by forgiving our sins.  Instead He offers grace and invites us to live in that.

God grieves when His sheep turn away.  If you have loss, grief is good.  For in grief you are feeling what it feels like to accept reality.  Grief is temporary so embrace it for the season and let the tears flow.  Letting go hurts, but pain is not permanent.

There is the cliché “Let go and Let God”.  It is a call to put your faith in God to provide and take care of matters for you.  1 Peter 5:8 says you are to humble yourself before the Lord “casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.”

“To everything there is a season” and most seasons require some sort of letting go.  That letting go is often what opens your hands wide for the Lord’s hands to grab hold and lead you toward His perfect will and provision for you.

Rachel Krumpe from Inking the Heart                                                  Keep up with her on  Facebook

Jeans….. In Bed?

When Mike and I first were married, he wore jeans to bed.  I didn’t understand why a person would do that.  It seems uncomfortable.

I think, perhaps, it was his practical side.  Why waist energy and laundry detergent on pajamas?  Of course, I wasn’t smart enough at the time to check if he ALSO wore those same pants the next day.  I have to hope he was smart enough.  And hygienic enough.

Eleven years later, he changes into his pajamas as soon as he gets home from work.

But we have both changed a lot since those first days.

He now eats sour cream.  I don’t eat raw onion.   He watches less T.V.  I play wii games with him.  He stays on a kid schedule.  And I have learned that there doesn’t always have to be a plan.

Our lives, our marriage, our parenting…. it’s in constant motion.  We are always changing.  Learning.  And compensating.

I think our biggest change since our honeymoon stage of marriage would be our faith in Christ.   For much of our marriage, we went to separate churches, abided by the rules, and left Jesus standing outside of our marriage.

But a time came when we had to let Him penetrate our lives.  My husbands faith grew tremendously during a special time we spent living in Texas.  And years later,  during my struggle with anxiety,  I fell deeply in love with God.  And with that priceless gift, God shook my life.  And in marriage, it shook our lives.

Nothing has been the same.

With a deeper understanding of God’s abounding love, I appreciate my husband more.  I desire to love him with God’s love.  I treasure him.

Our lives change.   We grow.  We struggle.  We learn to love more.

But one thing will never change.

Our God.

He will always love us, bless us, and strengthen us.




God Knows My Heart


The kids are playing school.   Leesy included.  Her happy little squeals pierce right through the reading and math lessons.  Unfortunately, she managed to find markers and decorate Abby’s bed.

It was her first marker offence.  But if she is anything like Eli – there will be plenty more.

When Eli was four, I constantly found little scribbles on the walls.  And really – with a three, four, and six year old – any of the kids could have been suspects.

But at four years old, he knew how to write his name.  And he signed his name to each one of his mischievous masterpieces.

But I didn’t need him to sign his name.  I know my kids.  And I knew that he was the culprit.

But even more, my Father knows me.

You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
 You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
 Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.   Psalm 139:1-4

It amazes me to realize that God could know me so intimately.  To know my thoughts.  Even before I pray.

For me, prayer is hard.  But, maybe it doesn’t have to be.  If I truly believe that God knows me so intimately – then words don’t matter.  I don’t have to search for the words or mark off some list.  He already knows my heart.

He knows those people that I am longing for Him to touch.  He knows what my children need.  He knows how I hurt.  And He knows when my heart rejoices.

But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you…. Psalm 40:16



The Envelope

I received a card through the mail from the leader of my BSF  (Bible Study Fellowship) small group.  She wanted to remind me that God would watch over me.

I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land.  I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.” Genesis 28:15

When I received the note, I smiled.  I thought it was a kind gesture.

And then I found out that she died only a few days ago.  I don’t know the details.  I don’t know if she had been sick this summer.  Or if it was sudden.

But I do know that her encouragement struck me a little deeper.  She took time out of her last moments to spread God’s love and kindness.  And I wouldn’t be surprised if she sent out these notes of kindness to every one of those ladies in our group.

In that prospective, I am embarrassed at the preoccupied thoughts of my happiness, my children,  my marriage,  my obligations…

But so many times, I have stood in this place.  And wanted to be a bigger part of God’s master plan.  Wanted to teach my children more of His love.  Wanted to show more of His love.

But today, I stand no longer.  I am down on my knees.  And begging God to move me to action.

Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.  1 John 3:18 NIV

But as I stare at this letter, God’s big plans are not always BIG actions.  Sometimes His love comes in tiny packages.

And sometimes in an envelope.







How Great is Our God

DSCN7508When the boys were both preschoolers, they were fascinated by babies.  They loved it when I was pregnant with Leesy because they could feel her kick.   And they would press their little ears up against my belly to listen for her heart beat.

Eli informed me one day that he remembered living in my belly.  And that he played with Abby and Zaiah while he lived in there. Their little imaginations ran wild with the prospect of a baby living inside of me.

Especially as an adult, that whole concept of God’s creation living in me is incredible.  It’s such a precious and honored responsibility.

But I know very few women that haven’t suffered the pain of miscarriage, serious birth defects, or the death of a child.  While the the loss of my second child to a miscarriage was painful, I cannot begin to sympathize with those mothers who have endured a loss further into the pregnancy.

In pain, in loss – it is easy to question God’s goodness and His love.  But despite what I may feel, I know that God does love.  And that He is good.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever  Psalm 23:6

I don’t understand loosing a precious little life.  It doesn’t make sense to me.

But that is where faith steps in.

God always loves.  And He loves that precious little baby – a precious little life that now lives in heaven in the presence of God.

And so, even when I couldn’t understand that love, my faith must trust that His love is living in me.  And in that moment, I must praise Him.

I can still feel that moment driving with my husband to the office of my obstitrician.  We were going to confirm the miscarriage I had experienced over our family vacation.

And the tears rolled.  My heart was so heavy.

And yet, joy filled up my heart as we sang about just how Great our God is….

For the LORD your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome  Deuteronomy 10:17 NIV 



Child of God

Before our first child was born, we looked up endless baby names and their meanings.  But we finally settled on a name meaning ”joy” and “grace”.    I pray that she grows up to be a living testimony of God’s joy and grace.

There is a lot of power in a name.  Even back to the Old Testament.

Jacob fulfilled his name’s meaning…. ”he grasps the heal”  or “he decieves.”  He manipulated his brother and father ultimately stealing his brothers birthright and blessing.

But God renamed him Israel.  This deceptive man became a man of faith and carried the name of a great nation.

But I have an even greater privilege.   God gives me a new name.  A new identity.  I am a a Child of God.  And with my new identity comes God’s love.

          His purpose.

And His worthiness.

.. No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  Romans 8:37 NIV

Love, Protection, and Deliverance


When Abby, who is now eight, was a toddler – she choked on a stringy green bean.  It scared her enough that she would not eat green beans for several months.  But even now, she carefully inspects her green beans for signs of those chokeable strings.

When I have an unpleasant experience, I too am much more cautious of any sign of potential threat.

I have had episodes involving severe pain, large fluid loss, passing out, and an ambulance.  But now, I take medication at the first sign of the oncoming doom.  I have learned that if I wait too long, I cannot prevent the trip to the emergency room to rehydrate and kill the pain.   And now I am very cautious to stay far away from my pain threshold.

But it is not just the physical stuff.  I react to an unpleasant emotional experience, too.

I have learned over the last couple years that I do NOT like being depressed or anxious.   And it tends to come together in some degreee.

During my first experience with depression – and uncontrollable anxiety – it was all new to me.  I felt out of control and hopeless.   But once some counseling and medication helped lift the cloud around me, I knew that I needed to prevent myself from falling so far again.

And so, I built a solid foundation around me.  I put my relationship with Christ in a new, and more appropriate  place in my life.  And I positioned my family and friends around me to keep me accountable and encouraged.

But God doesn’t promise elimination from my problems.  And so, yes, I did walk down a path of anxiety and depression again.  But this time, I knew to seek medical intervention, and most importantly, to fall straight into the arms of my Savior.  He didn’t immediately deliver me.  But He did carry me through it.

And so, I sit here tonight.  And yes, I am a little worried that my mind has been racing.  That my hands are a little shaky.  Worried that the anxiety will come back to attack me again.

But I am not where God wants me.

Yes, it was a an unpleasant experience.  I felt helpless.  Out of control.  And yet, God never abandoned me.  He didn’t just take my hand.  He carried me the whole way.

So, at those first signs of increased stress, I don’t have to fear that anxiety.

Because I have a powerful and loving God waiting for me.  Waiting for me to simply fall into His arms.

Into His love.

His protection.

His deliverance.

 How precious is Your loving kindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings.  Psalm 36:7