The past few years, I have learned a lot about my own lack of confidence, awkwardness, panic attacks….. and just general anxiety. I used to think that because I struggle – that I am the worse teacher for my kids. Especially, for my daughter – who takes those issues to a whole other level.
But, actually, because I struggle, I am the best teacher.
With panic attacks, with a relentless anxiety, with depression haunting me from the shadows – I know that practice does NOT make perfect. In fact, in can make worse. Fail, fail, and fail again. That does not produce confidence.
But failure is precisely where my life changed. I realized that, yes, it is true that I am horribly inadequate. A failure. Maybe a little lonely at times. And yes, I can be very easily insulted. I know it at the very depths of my heart. I have no doubt about my own inadequacy.
But at the heart of failure, God placed His confidence in my heart..
His adequacy. His success. His truth.
That never changes. It never depends on me. I can remain the most quiet person in the room. I can feel trapped. I can feel rejected.
And yet, I am accepted in Christ. Glorified in Christ. Lifted up in Him.
So, yes, it is true. I don’t have it all together. I am probably not the best teacher of social graces. I can’t teach them how to earn the love and respect of their peers. Or how to develop unshakable self confidence.
But God has placed a treasure in my heart worth far more. My struggle brings me to my knees. And it frustrates me. And sometimes I feel utterly broken. But in that brokeness, my life is a testimony of God’s love and grace. And that’s what I want to teach my children.
My dearly loved children of God.
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us,
that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1 John 3:1 NIV