When the boys were both preschoolers, they were fascinated by babies. They loved it when I was pregnant with Leesy because they could feel her kick. And they would press their little ears up against my belly to listen for her heart beat.
Eli informed me one day that he remembered living in my belly. And that he played with Abby and Zaiah while he lived in there. Their little imaginations ran wild with the prospect of a baby living inside of me.
Especially as an adult, that whole concept of God’s creation living in me is incredible. It’s such a precious and honored responsibility.
But I know very few women that haven’t suffered the pain of miscarriage, serious birth defects, or the death of a child. While the the loss of my second child to a miscarriage was painful, I cannot begin to sympathize with those mothers who have endured a loss further into the pregnancy.
In pain, in loss – it is easy to question God’s goodness and His love. But despite what I may feel, I know that God does love. And that He is good.
I don’t understand loosing a precious little life. It doesn’t make sense to me.
But that is where faith steps in.
God always loves. And He loves that precious little baby – a precious little life that now lives in heaven in the presence of God.
And so, even when I couldn’t understand that love, my faith must trust that His love is living in me. And in that moment, I must praise Him.
I can still feel that moment driving with my husband to the office of my obstitrician. We were going to confirm the miscarriage I had experienced over our family vacation.
And the tears rolled. My heart was so heavy.
And yet, joy filled up my heart as we sang about just how Great our God is….
For the LORD your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome Deuteronomy 10:17 NIV